Only Because
by TwilightRein
Summary: Tory wants to unravel the mystery of Colin. He's willing to appear stalkerish to the only person he ever had an interest in. Though is his interest in Colin purely scientifical or could it be more? Rating may change in future chapters.
1. A Study Session?

**Hola Mundo!**

**This story just happened to write itself. I wanted to make an OffBeat fic for a while now and now I have. I own nothing of these two characters or anyelse that may appear late. That all belong to that lady who wote OffBeat...think it was Jen-li-something. Either way...**

**please enjoy and review.**

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Everything that could be noted about the enigma Colin was jotted down. I made sure I took everything down, as if it could help me figure out the puzzle that was Colin. So it wasn't abnormal that I took down all of his physical traits.

Was it?

There was nothing wrong in knowing his height and weight. His eye color, which seemed too unsocial for any normal boy and his hair color which, looked soft. I took down his ivory skin and how soft it looked; how easily he flushed. I also took down his fingers. They were delicate and it surprised me how strong of a grip he had. Those hand held a powerful punch. So there was nothing wrong in knowing all the small detail.

That information I carried with me all the time. Just to be sure no one would stumble upon it. "Tory, can you read this chemical formula?" I glance at the board. I read it. It was simple. The blonde girl, whatsherface, stared at me in awe. I remembered her name...I just couldn't recall it.

------

Nothing abnormal today. Colin, as usual, was distant and alone. He was a challenge I gladly looked forward to. The Gaia project was right below Colin. The person was stranger than the project. I let my feet carry me home.

"_Tell me dragon! Where are the wizard and his prisoner?" Me, the knight in shining armor, yelled. The beast roared, smoke trailing from the nostril._

_/_Prove to me, mere mortal, and I shall grant you the knowledge you seek_/_

_It roared and bore its' fangs at me. I rolled away from the onslaught of teeth and swung my broad sword. I slashed at the beast's leg. A gush of red flew past me, splattering the ground dark red. It roared again and flew towards the sky. It hovered yards above my head. I could see the belly expand and the mouth poised open. Flames flicked out the side of its mouth. A stream of molten hot fire was fired at me. I bring up my shield and hid behind it escaping the worst of it. The heat was intense but I somehow managed to survive._

_It dived towards me and with my sword upraised I slashed at the beast belly as it flew above my head. The beast roared loudly, a shriek-like roar as it crashed to the ground. I pointed my blood stained sword at the dragon. "Now, tell me, dragon, where is he?"_

_/_He's at the wizard's castle. Trapped in the highest tower_/_

_I climbed on the dragon's back, the wound on its' stomach already healed. "Take me." The dragon roared and took off. Air rushed past me and for a while all I heard was the sound of silent rushing wind. Soon, a dark castle loomed on the horizon. There were many different towers but there was one that seemed impossible long. It really was the highest tower. Windows covered with colored glass and many statues of gargoyles adored the place. The dragon flew towards the tower and for a moment I thought it was going to crash into it. But then, with a sudden shift in his wings and body angle, we were sudden flying up the tower; parallel to it. The dragon took me to a large glassless window._

_"Colin! Are you there?" I shouted. From the window, a cloaked figure appeared. I couldn't see his face but I knew it was him. It was Colin. The gust created by the dragon's wings as it hovered pulled the hood back. Colin glared up at me, his eyes a mixture of hope and anger. I urged the dragon to move closer, close enough that I could reach over and he would be able to grasp my hand. The sky overhead turned dark and Colin said something._

_I saw his lips move and I knew he spoke but I didn't know what he said. I couldn't hear him as the gust created by the dragons' wings roared past my ears. Dammit! What the hell was he saying...!_

_"Colin!"_

"Tory!"

My eyes focused. Suddenly I was in front of my apartment and the object of my daydream was staring at me. His hand was on my shoulder and he had a puzzled look on his face. I forced myself to breathe in and my mind couldn't help but notice how close we were. I fought the blush down and fished around my pocket for the keys while slowly moving away from him.

"Yeah?"

"I was calling you for the past ten minutes." He said maybe a bit irate, maybe.

"Oh, I was...um...daydreaming." I admitted. He looked at me with an unfathomable expression. I wonder what he wants.

"Are you busy now?" He paused, looking...embarrassed? "I...didn't understand the lesson at all today..." He let the sentence hang. I already knew what he wanted to ask. My mom wasn't going to be home until nine tonight. Paul had a college seminar so he'd probably come around five. That left a possible two hours to be alone with Colin. Alone...I vigorously shook my head.

"Sure." I said, and pushed the key into the keyhole. I wondered about the relationship we had. Were we friends? Did he even consider me a friend? But...did friends feel an electric current pulse through their body at the prospect of being alone with their object of curiosity? What the hell!? I shook my head again and opened the door.

"Tory." It was so quiet that I almost didn't hear it. But I did. I turned around and found him staring at me with that same look I saw in my daydream; a mix of hope and anger. My throat suddenly became dry and I forced myself to sallow something, even if it was dry rough air. Maybe he could see through me, saw that I wanted to unravel the mystery around him. His lips moved as he looked away possibly talking to himself.

Maybe he didn't want to help...? Why did that thought make my blood burn? I realized the door was still open so I closed it. The lock clicked into place and I felt his hands on my back. I felt his fingers through my shirt. Dammit, I could feel him cling to me, his nails digging into my back. Am I supposed to be this aware of another person? Was it right?

"You make me angry..." his finger dug deeper into my back and instantly his fingers relaxed."...but at the same time..." His arms wrapped around me. His fingers curled around the hem of my shirt. His fingers were cold against my skin, making me jump a little. Maybe it was accidental that his fingers brushed against me.

"T…Tory..." His arms slipped away as well as the warmth. I turned around watched him. He was looking at the door behind me, maybe considering leaving, and then his eyes flickered to mine. That electric pulse came out of nowhere. The hallway felt ten times hotter than it actually was and I averted my eyes but I could still feel that pulse. "Umm...maybe we should start on...uh...that lesson..."

Tory smiled a little and actually chuckled. I would have to write that down. "Colin, do you really think we...well, I could study after that." He shook his head slightly, to himself, and walked further into my apartment. I followed him, watched him. This sudden urge washed over me. I wanted to grab his hand and take him to my room and...

"Tory!" I jumped. I looked around and noticed we were in front of my bedroom door.

"Whoa...Uh, hey, Colin...I think this is too sudden and...Well..." I couldn't talk and my accelerated breathing wasn't really helping. That small smile appeared again.

"We can _try_ to study but..." He let the sentence trail away. Very numbly, I opened the door to my bedroom. As soon as I stepped in I felt his arms around me, his hands toying with the hem of my shirt. I don't think I moved. All this couldn't be good for my body. "Tory." A whisper...or was it a command? I turned around and crushed his body against mine. To hell with it all.

His arms wrapped around me neck this time. His fingers curl into my hair, pulling at it. I can feel that pulse throughout us, demanding. We fumble backwards until we fall down on the bed. His lips, surprisingly soft, kiss my throat. They hurriedly climb further up and for a brief moment I panic.

I don't know how to kiss!

I attempt to stop him or slow him down but it's too late and his lips are pressed against mine. I shuddered. They were warm too and I find myself kissing back. The blood is rushing to my head and elsewhere. His grip in my hair tightens and loosens. My arms go around him. They do something, I don't know. All I'm focused on is his lips and this kiss. Something wet slides against my bottom lip and I gasp. It's his tongue!

"...finally." He mumbled and slipped his tongue in my mouth. It's...strange and...addicting. I'm kissing him with as much force as he is. I'm using my tongue just as he is. His body is warm against mine. A thought flickers into my head.

_How warm would he be without his clothes?_

The thought sort of sobers me up. I pull my head away form him and breathe for the first time in what seems forever. He looks at me, not confused but with a smirk. I take in deep breaths. My heart is in my ears and my skin feels too hot. Not uncomfortably hot...a hot that I could probably get used to. "...uh...sorry I stopped?" I said, not knowing what else to say. It seemed like he didn't want to stop but I'm not good at guessing people's intentions with rationale.

"It's okay." He said, getting off me. My arms just slide of him and I watched him run a hand through his hair. His finger catches my attention and suddenly it is all I could think about. Maybe...but he might punch me again and I don't want that again. "I should probably go." he said. Oh...

To hell with it again.

I scramble up right and practically collided into him. We both fall to the floor but now I'm on top of him and frantically trying to kiss him. He didn't seem to complain. He pulled me tighter to me, his arms sliding around my neck. I think he moaned but I wasn't too sure. The only people I ever heard moan were girls on the porn videos and the guys sort of grunted. Colin...his moan was very...girl-like. Not that I cared...it suited him in a way. Again, the thought of a naked Colin flashes through my head. My hands go down to his shirt. They lift the shirt and I can feel him shiver underneath me. For a moment I consider stopping again but then Colin grabbed my hand and urged me on.

I heard the sound of jingling keys and heavy footsteps. Shit! I quickly pulled away from Colin. I fumbled over myself as I tired to make myself look presentable but I must have been failing 'cause Colin was smiling at me. He slowly stood up and stood in front of me. He straightened out my shirt and ran his fingers through my hair. The footsteps grew louder and I opened a few books out on the floor to make it look like we were actually doing something other than what we actually doing.

"Tory?"

"Dammit! Paul! Since when do you live here?!" The bastard shrugged and looked around the room.

"You were studying?"

"Yea...I mean I was helping Colin when you rudely interrupted us!" He gazed at us and arched an eyebrow.

"So why are you two standing?"

"Uhh..."

"I was leaving. Troy helped me enough already." Colin said. I sighed and hastily grabbed Colin's long coat as I pushed past him. I lead Colin out of my apartment and down to the front door. I handed him his coat and he shrugged it on. There's something about what he wears that appeals to me. Not that he dressed weird but that he had a different taste in style than what I mostly see.

"I guess...I'll see you tomorrow." I said, mumbling my words. He smiled again, a tiny one, and exited my building. I stared at him before I headed back to my apartment. As usual, Paul was raiding my fridge. He saw me and followed me to my room. He stopped in front of my room, a plate of food on his mooching hand. "What!?" I growled.

"So...Colin, is it?" He said with a knowing look. I yelled and slammed the door in front of his face, hearing the satisfying clatter of plate on floor.

"Serves you right." I mumbled and collapsed on my bed.

I wondered how our relationship will develop now that this...incident...happened.


	2. Daydream & Reality

_Meevers is going to be a dad!_

**Anywho, hello! I guess this would be called chapter two of Only Because. I don't know I haven't offically written down this. Usually I write the fics then type them but not for this one. Oh well, here's futher development of Colin and Tory. I have no claims to them or any of the characters in Off*beat. I just claim this plot. **

**Enjoy and remember, reviews are candy, we don't really need it but it's always a nice treat! **

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I absolutely could not sleep. I was on my bed all night thinking of Colin, the kisses, and the thought that burned my mind throughout the while event. _How warm is his body without any clothes..._ I memorized the patterns in my ceiling. That's what I did last night. Stare at my freakin' ceiling.

------

Very groggily, I slid off my bed. The crash to the floor sort of woke me up but not completely. I stumbled around my room and somehow manage to dress. I need my hours of sleep to function. Last night I barely had any sleep. My mind was disconnected from my body and I vaguely recall my body picking out my outfit for the day. Something simple: a shirt, pants, socks, shoes, and a hoodie. That's all I need. Maybe I can sleep during gym and a few classes. I can definitely sleep through lunch and...

"Tory?" I looked behind me. My mom was holding my coat in her arms and her usual worried expression.

"Oh, forgot about that." I sheepishly smile at her and the worried expression is gone. It's replaced by a grin as I take my coat from her. Suddenly her hand goes up and a thumb runs over the bottom of my eye.

"You look tired." She said. I shrug away.

"I just had a bad night sleeping. Is there any food left or has Paul vacuumed our fridge clean?" That gets her laughing and she heads for the kitchen.

"You're breakfast is ready. I'm heading out early and might be late for dinner. I gave Paul twenty for take-out." Her keys jangled about as she headed out. "Love you, Tory."

"Ditto" I called back through a mouthful of eggs. My mind was slowly coming back to my body but it still wasn't there yet. I went back to calculating when I could sleep during school. So I could definitely sleep through lunch. Maybe English as well. Then I'll probably sleep through the afternoon in time for dinner.

"Assuming Paul doesn't gorge himself with that twenty I should be fine."

"Paul shouldn't what?"

I looked behind me just as I dumped the empty plate in the sink. I must've been hungry. Paul was standing at the threshold of the kitchen. Moocher was back, this time with no plate in his hand. I turned back to sink and washed my hand. My mind was nowhere near my body to deal with Paul. "Why aren't you over two hundred pounds?"

"It's called fast metabolism. Look it up."

"You better not spend that twenty." I said, walking past him. I could feel him smile. "I'll call the police for Child Abuse."

"Not feeding you is hardly child abuse. You're old enough to hunt."

"Hunt? Really, now that's just lame."

"Do you think Colin would think its lame?"

I stop, the doorknob in my hand. My mind was halfway in my body; just enough to deal with mooching Paul. "Colin wouldn't even consider anything from you worth a label." I shot back. Now I could feel him smirking.

"I'm just saying. People can surprise you." At that moment I knew he knew. I clenched the doorknob in my hand. Half of me wanted to run. The other half wanted me to stay and..._talk_. I did the rational option. I slammed the door open and dashed outside. The cold quickly assaulted me and I shut me eyes from the prickling rush of air. I slammed into something hard that knocked the wind out of me. I coughed, curling into myself on the cold ground.

"Tory? Are you okay?" Oh, that voice. I quickly scramble to my feet, another round of coughs assailing my body. A hand gripped my mine's and helped me to my feet. I looked around. I had slammed into the trunk of a car. The car that belonged to Colin's guardian…

Oh.

"I'm perfectly fine." I said. My eyes looked inside the car. The Doctor looked mighty pissed off either from me slamming into his car or because Colin was talking to me. It had to be one of those. I felt eyes stare at me and I paid attention to Colin. He looked at me, glanced at the car, and went over to the drivers' side. He whispered to the doc. The doc went from pissed to pissed off and somehow I think it had to do with me. A second later the doc stiffly nodded. Colin straightened and beckoned me to him.

"We can offer you a ride to school." He said, going to the passenger side and sliding in. In a daze I climbed into his car.

Oh Gods, I'm in his car.

I kept quiet the whole car ride. I stared down at my clasped hand, nervous. This was weird. I've never been in a friend's car or offered a lift but then again was Colin my friend? Damn, this is confusing. The doctor wasn't to keen on my being in his car. He seemed very secretive. I looked up and glanced at the rearview mirror. Colin was staring at me. I felt my face turn red and I quickly looked away. There was that pulse again.

When Dr. Garrets dropped us off I quickly got out the car. I took in a grateful breath in and waited for Colin. He was talking to the doc. Colin's face was expressionless as he talked to him, maybe some annoyance as well. I waited by the school entrance. Colin moved away from the car as it pulled away. He watched it leave before turning to me. A small smile appeared on his face which made me blush.

"Morning, Tory." He said.

"...Morning." We walked into the school together. I had a hard time just walking. Every time our arms accidentally brushed by I would jerk my arm away. If he noticed he gave no sign of it. He had a good poker face.

"He's selective about people in general so don't take any offense to that." said Colin, so I didn't. I would've said something but I don't trust my voice at the moment. We walked in silence so when we had to move apart for our lockers he gave me a look that I couldn't read and that smile I couldn't understand. Then he walked off.

Whatsherface came running to me. I didn't even feel it as she hugged me good morning. I was still watching him leave.

------

"Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are a foil for Hamlet and..." I gazed at the board, the chalky words blurring and blending into the background. My mind was slipping into that comfortable state I always liked to be in pre-Colin era. I covered my yawn and blanked out for the rest of the class.

_His arms were around my neck. His fingers clenched and pulled my hair. It didn't matter. He could hurt me and I wouldn't care. It's not that I'm a masochist but for Colin...I'll endure it. Besides...his body felt like heaven pressed against mine. I like the feeling, the friction, and the heat. He moaned, chasing any other thoughts I had away with his tongue. Gods, it felt...wonderful. I moved my back. Something was stabbing into my back. It was distracting me and Colin was pressing into me causing whatever that was stabbing me deeper into my back. _

_"...Colin." He looked at me. His black eyes were, if it was possible, darker. I stumbled around for the words I wanted to say while his darker than dark eyes smoldered me. That small smile appeared before he pulled back. The warmth left with him and I moved forward. _

_"It's the light switch that was bothering you, wasn't it?" he asked. I looked behind and, sure enough, it was the thing that was digging into my back. I scowled at it and turned back to Colin. He was looking at the floor. Books were splayed everywhere. The books we were suppose to be studying from instead of making out in my locked room. He looked at me again and his smoldering eye silenced me. He fingered the hem of his shirt and pulled his shirt off._

_My throat went dry. His torso was as pale as the rest of him and he didn't have much to look at but the fact that I was looking at him made my rational self run away. Brain...think of something now...! _

_I kissed him, pulling his body against mine. His skin felt good and it would feel even better if I didn't have my damn shirt on. He crushed his lips against mine, tongue clashing with mine. The heat, the friction, everything was driving me crazy. He whispered to me, his lips moving against my ear. I oblige without thought. Because I want it too, we both do. _

_I pulled my shirt off. Smoldering eyes gaze at my body. I can feel him staring at me and I'm looking away because it's embarrassing. I'm pushed against the wall again, away from the light switch. His lips move against mine, moving away. He kisses along my neck. I can feel his tongue trailing and his teeth nipping skin. It felt good. It felt beyond good, heaven. He looked at me, hand trailing down my body. His mouth moved, lips forming words I couldn't here. I leaned in closer._

_"Tory..."_

_"What?"_

_"Tory...wake up..."_

_"Huh?"_

"Tory! You're doing it again. The class is over!" Whatsherface was standing in front of my desk, her books gathered in her arms. The class was empty beside us and the teacher. She grinned. "You have to show me how you sleep with your eyes open. It's really cool."

"...sure." I would get up but another part of me was already up and Whatsherface didn't look like she was moving any time soon. I stuffed all my books in my book bag and weirdly held it in front of me. She still wasn't moving at all! Why?! "You don't have to wait for me."

"Mandy. Let's go." Whatsher- Mandy's friends were waiting by the doorway. It was obvious they didn't like me at all. Not that I cared in any small way. She looked at me before running off with her friend. Slowly, I stood up; making sure my book bag was in front of me and went to my next class. Hopefully, it'll go away if I just leave it alone.

------

It did but it took awhile. I couldn't fall back asleep in case I dreamed about that again. I didn't have any problems with the dreams...just the location where I was having the dreams. Why in class of all places?! I mean, really! All I want is a little bit of sleep and every time my eyes start going fuzzy I'm imagining Colin.

Dammit all to hell!

By the time lunch rolls in I'm a zombie. Not even a nuclear war could fully wake me up. I vaguely recall whatsherface staring at me with her impossibly large eyes. I scan over them for an empty table I can claim for my own. I'm not even considering lunch. All I want is sleep. Sleep is better than food at the moment and even the hard cafeteria table seems like the softest pillow. I head for an empty table all the way in the back. Suddenly, something tugs at my hand and I'm being lead away from the cafeteria. It takes awhile, maybe a second or two, to realize it is Colin who was tugging me away. He wasn't looking at me. He was more determined about his destination....where ever that was.

He took me away from civilization, literally. He took me to the auditorium. To be precise... he took me all the way in the balcony where no one ever ventured because of some silly rumor and stories of the place being haunted. Like I said, silly, though this was a change. Usually Colin would be in the library hidden away from the librarian's watchful eye. This would explain why he would suddenly just disappear on days I knew he was in. I found his other hideout....or rather, he led me to it. Either way I'll have to take this down later.

"Tory..." He gazed at me. He was leaning against the back of the theater seat, dark eyes fixed on me. The daydream flashed through my mind and I was looking away from him. I just couldn't face him after that. It felt...strange.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

He smirks and steps closer to me. "Why are you showing an interest in me?" He takes another step closer, his hands resting on my hips. The automated answer I have for questions like that is gone. Everything is gone. All I can do is stare into his darkening eyes, if it is possible for his eyes to darken when they are already so dark. Am I even making sense? Colin takes another step forward. Our chests are gently pressed against each other and I cannot breath. "Why only me?" he asked again.

My mind flickers, "Because..." It goes blank as he wrapped his arms around my neck, pulled me down, and kissed me. This kiss is like before...hot, angry. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling his body tight against mine. Why do I show an interest to Colin? Why only him? I've wondered that myself but I used the Gaia project as an excuse. I've always had used it as an excuse.

Our shirts are off. I don't know how and I don't care. I just want him near; I want him close to me as he possibly can be. His fingers pull at my hair as his lips bruises mine. My hands roam down his back, against his warm pale torso; over his shoulder and down his spine. My hands have a different idea. Not how I wanted this particular act to happen but...it just feels right. I unbutton the top of his jeans. Colin stops kissing me. He looks at me with those darker than dark eyes but they don't tell me to stop.

I continue.

I pull them down but just enough to take it out. Gods, I don't want to stop. Stupidly, I stare at it. Colin's hard and the tip is already leaking as it points upwards to his stomach. It's warm and I give it an experimental stroke. Colin moans and rest his head against me shoulder. Hearing him like that felt good. I ran my thumb down and back up, rubbing it against the little opening. He flinches and digs his nail into my back as he thrust against my hand. I arch my back; his nails hurt. I wrap my fingers around the base and began to jerk him off. It felt weird but hearing Colin gasp and moan, feeling his body flinch against mine felt good. His hands shakily unbutton my jeans.

His gasping breath is on my skin and his hand feels so good around me. I almost lose the rhythm I had going. I keep on going, his fluid slicking himself up and vice versa. It's not long before I feel that sensation behind my stomach. Colin must be there too because his body tenses. For his credit, he doesn't stop with me. Right up until he came. His final gasp and moan and twitch against my body are enough to have me going. Colin leans against me as we catch our breath. I don't talk or I don't think I'm capable of talking yet. Either way I don't want to so I won't.

After a short while Colin moves. He moves away from me, tucking himself back into his jean and grabs his book bag. He ruffles through it until he pulls out tissue paper. He wipes his hand and stomach clean then comes to me. I take it from him and clean myself up too. We don't talk. I mostly watch because he's still shirtless. Damn, I was just jerked off by my...object of interest and I _still _wanted more. Why?

I know why. I just don't want to face it.

"Tory, here's your shirt." He holds out my shirt and for a second I blank out as I stare at it.

"...my...Oh, my shirt." I was still shirtless. Colin chuckles and waits for me. Once I run my finger through my hair, and that I was spot free of anything and that I'm presentable for civilization I head for the door. That is, I did, but a hand held me back. Colin was holding me back by holding my hand. Thank gods for the poor lighting up here. I turn around and face him.

"I still want to know why." he said, gazing at me with his normal dark eyes. I would answer but I don't really want to say anything. I just don't.

"Can I tell you later?" I asked. He frowns, his brow coming together as he thought. I wait.

"Depends on when the later is." he counters.

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. He wants a time limit. "Give me two days. Then I'll tell you." Colin thinks it over but I know he's going to agree. Two days is enough for me to think things clearly. It might be a kill for him but for me that's enough to sort everything out.

"Two days." When I think he's going to let my hand go he doesn't. Instead he leans up and kissed me before leaving me to myself. The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. I'm going to class, he's going to class and as I leave the balcony and enter the hallways, a thought takes over. It completely dominates my mind for the rest of the day.

_I want to fuck Colin._


	3. Epiphany

This is frustrating!

I slam the book close and just plop my head down on my bed. I can't even study without something reminding me of Colin. He just pops into my mind when I've finally set a pace. Then the thing we did just pops in without any warning. It had to be what we did. That must've sent my nerves all disturbed and unrest-like.

My face heats up as I remember.

It was sudden and quick and left my mind scrambled.

...but it felt good. I groan and shift my legs to a more comfortable position. This is impossible. I can't study at all...at least not until I figure everything out. I sit in my room with my face on my bed as the scene just come waltzing into my mind. That was a definite first for me. Not masturbation but jerking someone else off. Though I never really considered jerking another guy off. It's not a thought that I would think about. At least, not in my pre-Colin era.

Now...well, I'll just have to not think about it that often. And the two days...! Damn, this is going to be hard.

At some point my interest in Colin turned into something else. Something I can't explain. And I only have two days to figure this out. I can do this.

I crawl to my closet and dig through the boxes I have stored in there. I have to push all the others back to get the box I wanted. Dust blows in face and I cough. It's like an epic adventure to go to the back of my closet just to get what I want. After a coughing fit I see the unmarked box and pull it towards me. It's smaller than the rest because it holds only unused black notebooks. A new notebook to figure out this situation I am in. Not that I hate it but I don't like to remain lost...especially not in this predicament.

I somehow crawl out the closet and climb up to my bed. I opened the notebook to a blank page and stared at it for the rest of the night.

------

I avoided Colin the next day. It was easy and not easy at the same time. I had familiarized myself with all his classes that on a certain subconscious level I knew where he was. When I saw him in the hallways I would lower my gaze so I could avoid his if he was looking at me. It usually worked but then I would look back to see which direction he'd take and Colin would be looking back at me. And he would be half-smiling!

All in all, the first day was bad and I had no idea what I would say to him once my two days were up.

After homework and a shower I grabbed the empty book and sat in front of it, wondering what I should write. There was utter silence in my mind as I wondered what the hell I meant. Why did I show an interest to Colin?

Because he's a completely mysterious guy. He moved to the apartment across of mine in the middle of the night. He's always alone and shuns away from people. Colin's an enigma and I want to know why. Maybe it had to due with the Gaia project but that has become secondary to Colin. Colin was the priority. That was how it started. I began writing little notes down.

Gaia project had become the second mystery; Colin being on the top of the list. How did that happen?

------

"Tory, dinner is ready!" My mom called out. I stared at the scribble of notes in my notebook. I was going nowhere fast and food sounded like my much needed break right now. I walked out my room and headed for the dining room. The food smelled mouth-watering and my stomach growled. My mom stuck her head out of the kitchen.

"Someone's hungry." She said. I blushed and kept on walking to my plate of food at the table. Paul was caught red-handed trying to take a piece of my chicken.

"Hey!"

He looked at me, calmly moved away and pushed his glasses up as he said, "There doesn't seem to be any poison on your chicken."

I rolled my eyes. "Say what you want, you mooch. You were just trying to take my food. I actually need the nourishment."

Paul smiled, "Teens eat junk food. That is their breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You should give your food to the people who need it."

"I'd rather give my food to a starving dog than you." I mumbled as I sat down. Paul chuckled as my mom walked in with her coat.

"I'll be back guys, just gotta run to the store." I watched her leave and the door closed. Mom left me with the moocher. Paul ate his plate of food but I knew he was probably smirking in his head. I sighed and we ate in silence.

Colin entered my mind again. I just couldn't stop thinking about him. I remembered that time in the park. When we held hands in the park because he wanted to test something. I probably failed at whatever he was searching for but it couldn't be helped. I was holding Colin's hand and he was holding mine or in whatever order. The fact that I was holding hands with him was important to me. I think I had written that down but I couldn't be sure. The memory was imprinted in me.

"So how's it going with Colin?"

"...what?"

"You are helping him study, right?" He asked in a way that didn't even imply I was helping him. We started but then we got distracted.

"Y'know, I noticed something." Paul continued.

"That our fridge is dangerously low due to your mooching?"

"No, not that and it's not dangerously low. That's beside the point though. You act different when it comes to Colin."

"What?"

"I mean, it's okay if you like him and all. It's the new age after all. So if you want to talk--"

"Whoa, there. First of all I'm not ga..."

Am I?

I can't exactly deny it. Not with the things we've done so far but it's never really crossed my mind. Of course I knew it wasn't normal by any standard but I honestly haven't given the thought that I was gay. Or that Colin was gay. Though, I can't be sure if he is gay or not but if he was then would I be gay to? Not that it matters in any way or form but if he was and if I was then...

"You actually made some sense, moocher."

Paul grinned, "Don't I always."

I shook my head, staring at my plate. It really made sense. My curiosity towards the Gaia project shifted over to Colin which then turned into an attraction to him. I racked my mind for instances where I could pinpoint the shift to attraction. I remember the time I found him hiding in the school library behind the bookshelves; hidden from everyone. I took it down, the time and the place and noted the books around him, but I kind of dazed out because I was staring at him. It's not really rude to stare if that person is fast asleep but he woke up and it embarrassed me. I was caught staring at him and he didn't say anything. That was a horrible situation and to make it worse he just stared at me and left.

"Tory. You didn't eat your food." I blinked. My mom was home already and my plate was hardly touched.

"I'm...not hungry." I pushed myself away from the table and pushed the plate to Paul.

"Are you okay?" She asked, walking towards me as she placed her hand on my forehead. I frowned and pulled her hand away.

"I'm fine, really."

"You sure?" She was still worried.

"I think he's just love struck, Ms. Blake." Paul shoveled the food from my plate to his and my mom gushed over nothing. I was stuck on that word. I'm love struck...?

Love...struck?

Whoa. I dashed away from the two and locked myself in my room. I slid down, my back against the door and sat there for awhile.

Love...

------

I told my mom I wasn't going to school today. As usual, she worried.

"Are you okay? Is it a fever? I can take a day off work for today and just--"

"Mom!" She stopped and looked at me. I smiled, "I'm fine, really. I just got a slight headache and I think I can afford this one absence." She gave me this look that I knew she wanted to stay and I wasn't going to let her. I got of my bed and gently pushed her out my room and to the door. She opened her mouth but I beat her to it. "I know where the Tylenol is, I know where the numbers are, and in case of emergency I go to Paul. Is that all?"

She smiled and patted my head, "And the 'have a good day at work'."

"Have a good day." I repeated. She chuckled and opened the door.

"Love you, Tory!" She called out.

"Ditto!" I closed the door behind her and walked back to my room. Inside I plopped down on my bed and sighed. I came to a conclusion last night that I believe and don't believe. It's possible and not possible but the more I think about it the more I realize it is possible. I sighed again and rolled over to my stomach. My head was beginning to pound again. I hardly got any sleep last night on account of my epiphany of a sort. I yawned and pulled my pillow closer.

The epiphany that I had a hard time believing.

I love Colin Stephens. There was no other explanation. It made everything fall into place. The interest of the Gaia project to Colin and, in turn, my interest in just Colin. I'd forgotten that I wanted to find the connection between Colin and the Gaia project. At the moment I couldn't give a damn about the project.

...well, maybe a little but now I know. But that still left me confused about my sexuality. Was I gay or was I straight? I rolled off my bed and landed on my hands and knees. I laid down flat on my stomach and rummaged through the mess underneath my bed. Wait...I don't think I left it there. I pulled my arm back and crawled towards the closet. I think I hid them in one of the boxes. But I had so much and they were all stacked to make room and I definitely didn't want to unstack them and stack them again. I sat crossed legged in front of my closet and thought for a second. The only reasonable to hide them was in...

Duh, it was in _that _box. I reach towards the back of my closet and pull out an old slightly dusty box. I wipe some of the dust away and open it. Sitting on top of my barely used skates that my mom had to buy me were the porn video I borrowed from Paul. I'll just go upstairs and return it to me. I grabbed the DVDs, pushed the box back to its' dark corner in the closet and left my apartment going one flight up. I knocked on Paul's door and waited. It was still early in the morning and he wouldn't have gone yet. I heard a muffled 'Hold on!' before the door opened. Paul looked down at me.

"It's you...and are those my DVDs?!"

"Yeah," I handed them back to him. "By the way I'm not gay, only for Colin, and the DVDs sucked."

Paul just stared me with a dumbfounded look. He scowled and tossed the DVDs inside his apartment. "You kids have no respect for property."

"Oh, shut up. You sound like an old man...but yeah...don't tell her."

Paul smiled and it wasn't his usual smartass smile. "I won't tell," The smile disappeared. "If I did I would have to explain how you came in possession of my DVDs and I wouldn't want to cut myself off from her food and your fridge." He grinned like he usually did and I was feeling better. I didn't even know I was feeling bad.

"Damn mooch." I muttered as I turned and left. I grinned as well but I didn't want him to see it. Not this grin. I wiped my eyes and closed the door behind me. My bed was calling and taking a nap in the morning was a good way to start for tomorrow.

_"Tory, we should continue where we left off." _

_I stared at Colin. We were in my room. He had his shirt off and I had my shirt off. His hands were on my chest, his gaze on my eyes. I was nowhere near the wall, near that annoying light switch but he was giving me this heated look. His hair, his dark eyes, his fingers..._

_"Colin." He bent down and for a moment I thought my heart was going to leap out my chest. "Whoa, wait! I'm..." He stood back up and I saw the physics book in his hand. Confused, I stared at him. He smiled and I loved it. It's wasn't an overly huge smile. If anything, it was a smile and smirk but more of a smile than a smirk. _

_I don't think I'm making sense. _

_"I don't understand this problem here." Colin had tossed the book away and I thought why he'd even picked it up if he wasn't going to open it. He pointed to my chest, his index finger over my heart. "I don't understand this." He said. _

_"I don't either." I said after a pause. I grabbed his hand, intertwined my finger with his. We looked at our clasped hand. I love Colin. I do. I step closer to Colin. My heart is fluttering and I feel like my stomach decided to test its' endurance with flips. _

_"Colin...I..."_

I woke up. It was nearly twelve in the afternoon. School wouldn't be over until in about two hours. I should shower and look halfway presentable because I don't think I can stay silent forever. I need to tell him now. Or when he comes from school. I'll be waiting for him.

------

I'm in the kitchen, making a bowel of cereal, when I hear someone knocking on the door. For a moment, I consider it might be a salesperson and I think about not answering it but then I realize we're in an apartment so it might be Paul. I put the bowel down and answer the door.

It's Colin. "Paul let me it." he said, probably answering the confused look on my face. I glance at the clock hanging on the wall in the living room. It was three. I look back at Colin and I realize I look a mess. I had showered but I slipped on a new pair of red stripped pajama pants. That was it. For a moment the idea of slamming the door in his face to dash into my room for a shirt seemed like a tempting idea. But only for a split second. Instead what I did was move back so Colin could come in.

"Let me just go put a shirt on..." I mumbled. I head for my bedroom and look around for a t-shirt. I find one crumpled on my bed and turn around when I see Colin standing by my door.

"Can I ask you again." asked Colin. What I wanted was to put my shirt on and not have my heart trying to jump out of my mouth. Realizing I wouldn't get to, I just shrugged, tossed the shirt away and sat down on my bed. I rested my forearms on my thighs and stared at my floor. This wouldn't be easy, not at all. Confessions of the heart must feel like this to everyone. I mean, is it natural that my palms could fill a glass...no, a tub with my sweat. Or that my heart was trying to escape by any means necessary. Or that my throat couldn't function well and that I felt like I was deprived of water my whole life and...

"I love you, Colin."

There...I said it. And I couldn't stop.

"I don't know the exact day or time. I just know my attention was focused to you instead of that project. I love you." If I could I would've rambled on but Colin's presence was before me and he placed one of his hands over my mouth. I looked up at him and see him smiling.

"I was going to ask you if you can help me again but..."

Oh...well, damn.

"Either way, now you know so you don't have to ask me anymore but I do have a question for you." At least I told him and my heart was now just running around my ribcage instead out of my mouth.

"Yeah?"

"Do you...well...like me? Cause, y'know...about the other day..." Being flustered isn't a trait I like. Then I realized it was a stupid question to ask. He wouldn't if he didn't like me. I sigh and before Colin could answer I stood up and kissed him. Immediately his arms went around my neck. He pressed himself closer to me, his fingers clutching my hair.

He didn't need to tell me, I already know.

Colin stopped and rummaged through his pocket and pulled out a small plastic square package. I blink, stare, and blink some more. Colin turned red in the face and he looked away. "Paul handed these to me."

"These?" I asked, confused. Colin flicked his wrist and four more appeared, connected to the first one.

That perverted mooch. I sigh and take the chain of condoms from Colin. I turn red just holding them and I make a mental note to throw something at the moocher later when I see him. I mean, really? Condoms? What did he think I was going to do with them? Well, it was obvious but still...

"Let's use one." said Colin and he's shrugging off his coat. Then his shirt and I glimpse his back, his shoulder blades. He turns around, naked from the waist up just like me. There's a look of defiance in his eyes and I ask. He shrugged. "I just don't like the doctor." He said. I'll ask him later. Now, I don't want him to talk at all. I just want to be with him in the way that I know where our relationship stands.

Only because Colin is who I love, the only one I can ever want to be in any sort of relationship with.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading my little triology of these two queer little buggers. I think I'll leave at this for now cause I have other stories to post and on fictionpress. I've been neglecting that site. **

**But yeah, characters belong to that Jennifer Lee-something (keep forgeting her last name) artitst/wrtier person. **

**Hope you enjoyed reading, and reviews are like air, very much need. :)**


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